A recent Reddit thread on r/sandiego has ignited fierce debate after a group of straight friends claimed they were aggressively confronted by patrons at Gossip Grill, the Hillcrest bar hailed as one of America's last remaining lesbian-focused venues. The incident, posted by user u/wfacn, describes a group of four men and one woman stopping by the University Avenue hotspot last weekend to grab drinks before a 10pm DJ set at nearby EQ.
"Everything was fine until 4 lesbian women came up to us and started questioning who we were, why we were there," the original poster wrote. The women allegedly accused the group of "taking space away from lesbians" and "projecting small dick energy," insisting they didn't belong and warning against grabbing asses or hitting on women.
Despite the group's insistence they were locals simply killing time - "We just told them that’s chill we’ll finish and leave but you have no power over us, public place" - the confrontation escalated. One woman later apologized for her peers' behavior, and the staff remained "awesome" and welcoming throughout, according to the OP, who emphasized the bar's positive vibe.
The post, now boasting over 112 comments, has split the San Diego community. Supporters of the lesbians cited the scarcity of queer women's spaces amid national tensions, including reversals in LGBTQ+ protections.
Despite the group's insistence they were locals simply killing time - "We just told them that’s chill we’ll finish and leave but you have no power over us, public place" - the confrontation escalated. One woman later apologized for her peers' behavior, and the staff remained "awesome" and welcoming throughout, according to the OP, who emphasized the bar's positive vibe.
The post, now boasting over 112 comments, has split the San Diego community. Supporters of the lesbians cited the scarcity of queer women's spaces amid national tensions, including reversals in LGBTQ+ protections.
“This is jarring… but considering the overarching state of the country and reversals of LGBTQIA+ protections, it would make sense that people are more protective of queer spaces," wrote u/Inevitable_Code9363. "This is more than likely not about your group specifically, but the tension was just directed at you guys unfortunately.”
User u/mysteriofukyourhead provided context: "It’s one of the only open lesbian bars in the country. They take a lot of pride in having a space that is for lesbians."
Others dismissed it as "bait," pointing to the OP's initially hidden post history and phrases like "Thought LGBTQ were accepting to everyone." Skeptics noted alternative bars like Alibi were closer to EQ, questioning why Gossip Grill was chosen.
The OP pushed back, unhiding their history temporarily and insisting, "Not leaving things out... I did not see the sign." Similar stories emerged: a trans man recalled rude treatment from staff in 2017, a straight woman was told she "shouldn’t be here" a decade ago, and another patron claimed they were asked to leave while cross-dressing.
Opened in 2009, Gossip Grill has become a "women-forward safe space" for LGBTQ+ patrons, particularly queer women, in San Diego's vibrant Hillcrest neighborhood. But its role as a rare haven was underscored in October 2023, when an arsonist torched its front patios at 12:30am. on October 20.
Suspect Ryan Habrel, 38, was arrested hours later on camera after igniting fires that caused $10,000 in damage but no injuries. The San Diego Fire Department extinguished the blazes quickly, and the bar reopened soon after amid community support.
The attack heightened sensitivities around the venue, with patrons telling the Los Angeles Times it "scorched their sense of safety" in an era of rising anti-LGBTQ+ incidents.
Commenters like u/gayartemiss urged empathy: "Many LGBT people can feel unsafe... especially cis-het men," suggesting a polite request to vacate might have sufficed. Critics countered that aggression undermines the "accepting" ethos, with one noting California's robust protections.
u/Adorable-Ask1054, the trans man, highlighted the irony: "I’ve lived the life of a woman... Now I’m on the other side and see how some men are treated just because of their gender."
As Hillcrest remains a nightlife hub, the thread underscores ongoing tensions: How to balance safe spaces with public access in an era of economic pressures and cultural divides? Gossip Grill owners did not immediately respond to requests for comment.
For now, the OP harbors no grudges: "The bar itself was wonderful... There’s always a couple of bad eggs."
The OP pushed back, unhiding their history temporarily and insisting, "Not leaving things out... I did not see the sign." Similar stories emerged: a trans man recalled rude treatment from staff in 2017, a straight woman was told she "shouldn’t be here" a decade ago, and another patron claimed they were asked to leave while cross-dressing.
Opened in 2009, Gossip Grill has become a "women-forward safe space" for LGBTQ+ patrons, particularly queer women, in San Diego's vibrant Hillcrest neighborhood. But its role as a rare haven was underscored in October 2023, when an arsonist torched its front patios at 12:30am. on October 20.
Suspect Ryan Habrel, 38, was arrested hours later on camera after igniting fires that caused $10,000 in damage but no injuries. The San Diego Fire Department extinguished the blazes quickly, and the bar reopened soon after amid community support.
The attack heightened sensitivities around the venue, with patrons telling the Los Angeles Times it "scorched their sense of safety" in an era of rising anti-LGBTQ+ incidents.
Commenters like u/gayartemiss urged empathy: "Many LGBT people can feel unsafe... especially cis-het men," suggesting a polite request to vacate might have sufficed. Critics countered that aggression undermines the "accepting" ethos, with one noting California's robust protections.
u/Adorable-Ask1054, the trans man, highlighted the irony: "I’ve lived the life of a woman... Now I’m on the other side and see how some men are treated just because of their gender."
As Hillcrest remains a nightlife hub, the thread underscores ongoing tensions: How to balance safe spaces with public access in an era of economic pressures and cultural divides? Gossip Grill owners did not immediately respond to requests for comment.
For now, the OP harbors no grudges: "The bar itself was wonderful... There’s always a couple of bad eggs."
Originally published on November 1, 2025.